Matthew Friedberger - "Up The River" [Buy]

I know what you're thinking: "What flighty and whimsical side is Dan going to bring to this jaunty tale?" Well, I'm gonna bring you the truth. I know we had this story worked out where we all talk about Cheese Mountain and gourmet food, and cheese courses and bacon broth and Italian wine, but I can't make any more jokes about it, they made two great posts, so I'm just gonna lay down the truth instead.

Sean and Jordan are liars. Yes, you raised 150.00, but the only "dinner" it bought was enough Pabst and Cheezies to fill 3 glad garbage bags to their breaking point. And it did. And we hauled our filthy trash bags full of "energy" all over the city, essentially looking for whatever trouble we could find. Yes, there were ivory-handled steak knives, but they were used to skin a squirrel under a tree on Sherbrooke, and to carve "StG" into every shop window we saw. Yes, there was laughter and merriment, but it only passed through us like an urge to vomit, and it was only after one of us would hurt themselves climbing a fence, or smashing a bottle, or tripping on the sidewalk. It was an ugly night, I'll say that. Jordan kept wanting to talk about "the commenters", Sean would recite his posts from memory in a high-pitched British accent and then finish each one with "WINNER!". I was embarrassed at times, but at times, I have to admit, I joined in. I was the one who prank-called all of our guest artists, in chronological order, and I had the idea to break into Wolf Parade's house because "they must be rich". It was kind of a horrible night, and I wish we had spent your money better, but I'm sure from reading this site, you really couldn't have expected anything else from us. In the name of the Party, the Beer, and the Holy Coke, right? Peace.

Brutal Knights - "We Have A Website" [Buy]