Horse Feathers - "Orphan Girl"

I came out to scrape off my car after work and there was a parking ticket on the windshield. I was so annoyed because I knew I wasn't in a bad spot, I park there every day without trouble, so I threw it in the car and drove the 30 minutes home in the feathery snow. Before I went inside I grabbed the ticket and noticed there was writing on the back:

Hi, this isn't a parking ticket. Well, it is a parking ticket, it's just the only way I could think to talk to you. I'm a traffic cop and I've seen you on my route every day (you're a great parker!) and I've been really interested in you. I don't know what it is about you, I'm just interested. I guess I'm a bit lonely, but no moreso than anyone else, and I just thought what the heck I'd reach out and introduce myself. I don't want to tell you my name because that's like telling someone your password, I just couldn't bear you knowing my name if you just read this and threw it out. Gosh, I hope you don't just throw this out. But maybe you will, that's okay. Like I say, I'm just really interested in you and maybe if you want, you could just hang around your car the next time you get to work in the morning, and I'll introduce myself. But wear that pink toque (I've only seen you wear that once, it's funny!) and I'll know you want to talk to me, otherwise I'll just leave you alone. Oh, and since the city inventories all these tickets, I had to charge you the minimum 30$, but I'll pay you back, I swear. It's worth it for a chance to talk to you. I hope you have a good night. It's too bad about all the stuff that's happening in the world, huh? Okay, have a good night. [Download 7" for 2.10$]

Capybara - "The Wimp (Wimpybara The Cap by John Bersuch)

(I picture this in Herman-style drawings)

"Kenny, where's all my stuff?"
"I digitized it for you, grandma."
"What do you mean, you 'digitized' it?"
"I digitized it. You can digitize stuff now and I figured you wouldn't know how so I did it for you."
"Where are all my photos?"
"I put them on this digital picture frame, it scrolls through all the pictures so you can have them all in one place."
"Where's my TV?"
"Your TV is your computer now, grandma, c'mon."
"Where's all my furniture?"
"I got you an omni-chair, it takes whatever form you sit down on it."
"Kenny I don't like this. Where are all my dishes and cutlery?"
"I digitized 'em. You can look at 3-D renderings of all your old spoons and forks, FULL 3-D, grandma, totally manipulable."
"Well, not totally."
"And I digitized all your old clothes, now you can virtually try on all your outfits instantly without having to actually try them on."
"Yes, but Kenny, where are my actual clothes?"
"I sold 'em, grandma. My time isn't free." [via TheRecordMachine] [Capybara previously on StG]

(image source)