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She's Terrible For You, And That's Not How It Should Be
by Dan
Please note: MP3s are only kept online for a short time, and if this entry is from more than a couple of weeks ago, the music probably won't be available to download any more.
this isn't music, but it's sounds that move me: WWII Reporting - "Crossing the Rhine" Did you ever have a friend that had a lover that just turned them into an unrecognizable, generally unpleasant person? Yeah, me neither. This is what this piece reminds me of. There's something so loving (lustful respect, let's say) about the way this man talks about the power of the tanks (the Buffalo, that strange, all-purpose vehicle) when they 'open up' to full throttle. This is from March 1945, a time, it would seem, when real evil and real good existed. There's so much 'glory' in his voice. It's like soldiers started dating Glory, and they didn't break up when they became veterans. So we just have to be nice to Glory, tell them they're good together, because at this point, there's no point in telling them otherwise, it would only hurt them unnecessarily. ********* This is a sound clip that floats around on the P2P servers when you search Orson Welles. It usually bears the title "Drunk Celebrity" or just straight-up "Fukkin-Drunk-Orson-Welles-Idiot-This-Guy-is-Crazy.mp3". Being a big Welles fan, this is completely unfunny to me, much rather like an old, ratty lion at a dirty crumby zoo. Some total perversion of something that should probably be really impressive, and an entirely depressing reminder that everything goes down hill one way or another. You can hear in every word how exhausted he is; how fed up he is with the "I'm just doing my job" expression on everyone's face. So he acts terribly to these poor gentlemen. It's as if he could already hear the downloaders laughing at his own pettiness, and just makes it worse, let them laugh, I'll be dead soon anyway. Happy Monday, Everyone! Posted by Dan at September 12, 2005 3:06 AMComments
It's fair to say Welles wasn't too excited about frozen peas. But it's small jobs like those that kept many of his uncompleted films ticking over, and which ultimately allowed him to deliver F for fake, a virtuoso jazz performance of a documentary, which like almost all Welles' projects was years ahead of its time. Welles may have been in decline in terms of his ability to get films off the ground, but that which he did complete, and retain cut of, reveal an undiminshed creativity. It'll be interesting to see how "The Other Side of the Wind" turns out, now that it's finally emerging from its interminable legal wrangles. Hopefully it will redress the perception of Welles' creative decline through the 60s and 70s. Posted by kc at September 12, 2005 4:42 AMGood writing, Dan. Do you think there's something inherently sad about hearing old recordings? Have you ever heard one that made you unabashedly happy? Billie Holiday's "When You're Happy" makes me happy (especially her voice), but it could also make me sad. I can't think of any recording from before 1955 that is essentially, undisputably GLAD. rockin', sure, but even those move me to dance instead of grin. Posted by Sean at September 12, 2005 7:58 PMexcellent question, Sean. answer: the innocence of comedy. literally every night that i can, I listen to old comedy shows from the 30's and 40's (they stream every day at 3am, right here). there's something so comforting about such unabashed corniness. i've selected a particularly appropriate 7 minutes for you. despite the links to the other piece posted, and there are many, pay the most of your attention to the parts where you can hear the smiles on their faces. Posted by dan at September 13, 2005 2:26 AMthat was great, dan. thank you. and you're OTM wrt the "smiling" thing. it's an interesting aspect to professional comedy -- that often the most deeply funny moments are when the actors laugh (or smile) at the ridiculousness of it. and yet it's something that can't be engineered (or can it)? what would a comedy act/format be if it was desgined around highlighting those moments? Posted by Sean at September 14, 2005 5:59 PMPost a comment |
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about the authors
Sean Michaels lives in Montreal, where he is writing a novel. His work also occasionally appears at McSweeney's. Follow him on Twitter or reach him here.
Dan Beirne is an actor and writer living in Montreal. He writes fiction fiction fiction on here. It may feel true, but it is never True. He is most proud of his most recent project The Bitter End. Email him here Jordan Himelfarb lives in Toronto, where he is editor in chief of The Mark. Jordan's posts appear at Said the Gramophone only on the last Wednesday of every month. Email him here. Site design and header typography by Neale McDavitt-Van Fleet. The header graphic is randomized: this one is by . 
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