I'm no spring chicken, I'm 47. A lot of my friends have been married and are getting divorced and they look at me like I'm some kind of savant, like I knew a secret the whole time. They say "you're so lucky, you've been single this whole time," and they want to party. And I say guys, I'm the same age as you, I got here too, I just wasn't married while I got here. And after some drinks they kind of look at me like I knew it was coming, and they ask me about my love life and I tell them the same thing, people have survived on less. They always ask about Theresa and Katie, first Theresa and then Katie. But Theresa and I dated in 2000, and Katie was in 1998, not exactly current prospects. They say I should reach out and keep them in my life and I would like to I really would but I have a problem. Whenever I'm close with someone, and then we break up, I lose the ability to talk to them. And I know what you're thinking, we all do, but I mean that I really lose all control of language. Imagine if you woke up tomorrow without hands. You'd quickly come to realize how often you use those things, and how without them you just sort of stand there and wait for an answer. It's like that, I wish I could talk to them, but in their presence, all words, all sentences, all knowledge disappears. I still have my French, what little of it I have, "merci" and the like, but they don't really like it when I respond only in broken French, and the rest is just gone gone gone. Theresa says it's my fault, that I'm just choosing to be silent or frozen, or mouth agape, but it's not in my control, it's more like the weather than the coat I choose to wear. And so I think I'm at a disadvantage compared to most people, I can't keep a single connection with anyone I've loved, you get one go with me, and after that I'm used up.