At Least Not In English
by Dan
Please note: MP3s are only kept online for a short time, and if this entry is from more than a couple of weeks ago, the music probably won't be available to download any more.



Josephine Foster - "Nähe des Geliebten"

My goodness, I must say you have very fine manners! You have such fine manners, the way you curtsied just under waistline and smiled upwards towards the lights, I've never seen such pleasant behaviour! You removed your shoes and left them hanging to dry, you crept snake-like across the floor to the chair and sat knees at a square right angle, how kind. You've kept your singing voice practiced and moist, what care! You eat nothing outside the proper colour spectrum, and drink nothing less viscous than peanut butter, you certainly have done your homework. You've even taken the care to carve the names of all the members of the visited household on the fleshy part of your belly. And such penmanship with that pen knife! Cared enough even to learn the dimensions of the house in advance so you could navigate to and from the bathroom and bedroom eyes closed and without hands rudely outstretched. Your appearance is even tempered to be that of a single degree below your host, but worlds beyond any of my many pets. How ugly my birds look when you are here, yet I feel so perfectly jolie. May all the blessings of your politesse come to you instantly, quicker than this instant dinner will be ready for you to enjoy. May God text message you from heaven with thoughtful wishes of success and achievement. May your health treatments be totally functional and errorless, may nothing go wrong with the lasers or weights. The vision of the future that generations had before did not quite turn out so excitingly, did it? How odd. [Buy from Insound]

Beach Boys - "Kokomo"

I was taking Montreal's famous metro the other night. It was the last train of the night before it stopped. I got into my car, getting ready for the 5-stop wait to get off again, when I found myself in a new and strange situation: I had the car all to myself. And it dawned on me immediately that I had never experienced this before. I looked around, up and down, checking to make sure I wasn't missing any slumped over drunk or sleeping hooded figure. No, I was really alone in this train car. So I thought, in a weird knee-jerk i'm-never-going-to-get-this-chance-again kind of way; I have to take advantage of this situation.

Now, rides between metro stops are usually under a minute, so these thoughts were coming very quickly, and I knew I was running out of time even as I considered my options. Kick something, break something, write on something, wait, why are my first instincts to Destroy and Deface? So I just started singing. And before I knew it, I was singing, of all things, "Kokomo". I sang it loud, as loud as I could, really belting out all the notes that were in my range. And then the doors opened at the next stop and I stopped. And no one got on. So when the doors closed and the train started moving, I sang it again. [Buy]

(photo from the amazing Hyunkoo Lee, thanks ddp)

Posted by Dan at March 27, 2009 12:47 PM

Haha this was lovely, Dan.

Posted by presleybeast at March 27, 2009 4:35 PM

So sweet, I love it ;-)

Posted by MTones at March 29, 2009 6:19 AM

Lol, I've been in the same situation, except that I took the metro in São Paulo. Instead of singing, I started to flip jump along the car.

Posted by Tiago at March 30, 2009 10:32 AM

i love your stories! thank you so much for sharing all these songs. i look forward to your posts every day.

Posted by ell at March 30, 2009 5:31 PM

I love this story. I love to sing in lifts (elevators). Try and play 'Danger Sing' - where you sing til the doors open and hope nobody is on the other side! hahaha

Posted by Scottish Friction at April 4, 2009 6:34 PM

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about said the gramophone
This is a daily sampler of really good songs. All tracks are posted out of love. Please go out and buy the records.

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"And I shall watch the ferry-boats / and they'll get high on a bluer ocean / against tomorrow's sky / and I will never grow so old again."
about the authors
Sean Michaels is the founder of Said the Gramophone. He is a writer, critic and author of the theremin novel Us Conductors. Follow him on Twitter or reach him by email here. Click here to browse his posts.

Emma Healey writes poems and essays in Toronto. She joined Said the Gramophone in 2015. This is her website and email her here.

Jeff Miller is a Montreal-based writer and zinemaker. He is the author of Ghost Pine: All Stories True and a bunch of other stories. He joined Said the Gramophone in 2015. Say hello on Twitter or email.

Mitz Takahashi is originally from Osaka, Japan who now lives and works as a furniture designer/maker in Montreal. English is not his first language so please forgive his glamour grammar mistakes. He is trying. He joined Said the Gramophone in 2015. Reach him by email here.

Site design and header typography by Neale McDavitt-Van Fleet. The header graphic is randomized: this one is by Neale McDavitt-Van Fleet.
Dan Beirne wrote regularly for Said the Gramophone from August 2004 to December 2014. He is an actor and writer living in Toronto. Any claim he makes about his life on here is probably untrue. Click here to browse his posts. Email him here.

Jordan Himelfarb wrote for Said the Gramophone from November 2004 to March 2012. He lives in Toronto. He is an opinion editor at the Toronto Star. Click here to browse his posts. Email him here.
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our favourite blogs
(◊ means they write about music)

Back to the World
La Blogothèque
Weird Canada
Destination: Out
Endless Banquet
A Grammar (Nitsuh Abebe)
Ill Doctrine
A London Salmagundi
Words and Music
Petites planétes
Gorilla vs Bear
Silent Shout
Clouds of Evil
The Dolby Apposition
Awesome Tapes from Africa
Matana Roberts
Pitchfork Reviews Reviews
i like you [podcast]
Nicola Meighan
radiolab [podcast]
CKUT Music
plethoric pundrigrions
Wattled Smoky Honeyeater
The Clear-Minded Creative
Torture Garden
Passion of the Weiss
Juan and Only
Horses Think
White Hotel
Then Play Long (Marcello Carlin)
Uno Moralez
Coming Up For Air (Matt Forsythe)
my love for you is a stampede of horses
It's Nice That
Song, by Toad
In Focus
WTF [podcast]
The Rest is Noise (Alex Ross)
My Daguerreotype Boyfriend
The Hood Internet

things we like in Montreal
st-viateur bagel
café olimpico
Euro-Deli Batory
le pick up
kem coba
le couteau
au pied de cochon
mamie clafoutis
tourtière australienne
chez boris
alati caserta
vices & versa
+ paltoquet, cocoa locale, idée fixe, patati patata, the sparrow, pho tay ho, qin hua dumplings, caffé italia, hung phat banh mi, caffé san simeon, meu-meu, pho lien, romodos, patisserie guillaume, patisserie rhubarbe, kazu, lallouz, maison du nord, cuisine szechuan &c

drawn + quarterly
+ bottines &c

casa + sala + the hotel
blue skies turn black
montreal improv theatre
passovah productions
le cagibi
cinema du parc
pop pmontreal
yoga teacher Thea Metcalfe

Cult Montreal
The Believer
The Morning News
The Skinny