Bent Ruth
by Dan
Please note: MP3s are only kept online for a short time, and if this entry is from more than a couple of weeks ago, the music probably won't be available to download any more.



Braids - "Lemonade"

People think my addiction is a weakness. They say it's "humiliating" or "degrading" to watch me chase drugs or get high. But I say humiliation is a relative term. It's only humiliating if I'm humiliated, and it's only a lonely lifestyle if I feel lonely. Sure, the first time I tried drugs, it might have been motivated by weakness, by loneliness, but not anymore. I mean, consider all the acts committed out of loneliness or weakness that turned into great meaningful pursuits. A brush stroke on a canvas, used as a replacement for talking about your problems, turns into a lifetime of painting. Sitting lonely in your bedroom playing guitar or cymbals turns into a cassette recording like Bleach. Well I started because I wanted to impress Person or make up for why Person abused me and now I'm completely in motion, I can't even stop if I wanted to and I love every minute of it (not every minute, but that's true of any great work). "Yes, but what are you producing? What are you creating?" That's what most people claim is the difference between what I'm doing and what I'm drawing parallels with. But I say that I'm creating my own perceptions, I'm creating sensual symphonies and emotional masterpieces. When my world falls and crumbles to pieces, in a matter of hours I can whip up the wind of my personal life into a froth of manipulation and borrowed money and bummed rides and pawned accessories and with my face down in the fucking dirt, surrounded by the foulest scum of the earth, I can feel as high as the damn clouds. I feel like, with my mouth open against the gravel or the pavement, that I could swallow the whole world. I can shape my mind into a mountain, and stretch my body over it like a rubber band, and snap snap snap against the bottom just for fun. I have access to another plane of existence, it's like a magic power that takes certain expensive keys and all of my energy to perform. I merely dabble in the world you call "The World" and my place is not here, it's a step above. Sometimes I sink back down here, but it's not long before I'm back up where I belong. Do you want to help? I'll commit any worldly act in exchange.


[image source unknown, via ffffound]

Posted by Dan at July 14, 2009 1:23 AM

cool song... this is a very cool site....


Posted by Tony Renner at July 14, 2009 9:57 AM

Great song ! Thanks Dan...

Posted by Emmanuel at July 15, 2009 10:12 AM

Awesome writing.

Posted by Ian at July 15, 2009 10:48 PM

This is really a great song. i love it.

Posted by Martin at July 16, 2009 3:20 AM


Posted by as at July 28, 2009 8:49 AM

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Sean Michaels is the founder of Said the Gramophone. He is a writer, critic and author of the theremin novel Us Conductors. Follow him on Twitter or reach him by email here. Click here to browse his posts.

Emma Healey writes poems and essays in Toronto. She joined Said the Gramophone in 2015. This is her website and email her here.

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Dan Beirne wrote regularly for Said the Gramophone from August 2004 to December 2014. He is an actor and writer living in Toronto. Any claim he makes about his life on here is probably untrue. Click here to browse his posts. Email him here.

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