CRYPTIC TRIPTYCH
by Dan
Please note: MP3s are only kept online for a short time, and if this entry is from more than a couple of weeks ago, the music probably won't be available to download any more.


 

1.
Sardines have a lot of predators, let's face it. But they have a built-in defense against these predators called baitballing. When they are under threat, they swirl rapidly in a large spherical mass, becoming, essentially, a weapon. Some predators either see the mass as a larger animal or can't process what's happening and move on. But often predators are familiar with the baitball and will pick off the undoubtedly slower, weaker swimmers on the outside. The baitball really only works for those on the inside. So why would the weaker, slower fish participate in the baitball? They're going to lose. But they don't know the numbers. And for fish, survival is all about the numbers. Thousands of eggs are laid by every mating pair, but only a few survive to adulthood. To a fish, there is no such thing as the odds of survival, and thank goodness, because they would just give up and die.

2.
I swear to fucking God I could feel his cell phone vibrating in his pocket during the show. I could FEEL it. I was sitting next to him and I could hear it with my cheek, I felt it in my shoe. And I knew what was happening: "You're so good!" "You look cute up there!" "Haha, sry Ill wait til your finished" I was sweating. My thighs were sweating. Those fucking seats were making my thighs sweat and I thought Christmas is gonna suck. I'll be up there with my parents and CNN.com and fucking Ricky the dickhead, and all I'm gonna be able to think about is him and all he'll be doing is texting and texting her and they'll be sending each other fucking holiday selfies. "Should I eat this?" snapchat whole bowl of chocolates. "YA!" reply super-cute smile. Ugh, 1000-piece puzzle here I fucking come.

3.
On the back of a receipt for iced tea and a Kit-Kat Chunky: "It's social suicide, it's very different."

Posted by Dan at December 2, 2013 12:17 AM
Comments

Gorgeous.

Posted by T at December 3, 2013 2:03 PM

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about the authors
Sean Michaels is the founder of Said the Gramophone. He is a writer, critic and author of the theremin novel Us Conductors. Follow him on Twitter or reach him by email here. Click here to browse his posts.

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Dan Beirne wrote regularly for Said the Gramophone from August 2004 to December 2014. He is an actor and writer living in Toronto. Any claim he makes about his life on here is probably untrue. Click here to browse his posts. Email him here.

Jordan Himelfarb wrote for Said the Gramophone from November 2004 to March 2012. He lives in Toronto. He is an opinion editor at the Toronto Star. Click here to browse his posts. Email him here.
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