Daniel Kroha's New Band Who Don't Have A Name Yet - "Don't Get In The Car"

I've always been a victim of something or other. This time it was third-degree carpet burn. It was a balancing accident involving a shopping cart, a copy of Northern Newsly, and a soon-to-be-stained basement carpet. When the wheel hit the magazine, I dove face-first into the scotch guard at 25mph and it ripped my face up. It looked like I'd rubbed my face in a Denny's skillet. I had a job interview the next day, cashier at Brady's. I told the guy I got mugged. He was fat and his white shirt tucked into his belt was stretched so tight I could see the hairs on his stomach through the fabric. "What'd they mug you with, a cheese grater?" he sat back in his chair, so proud. I saw my chance, "No, actually, they stole all my money and ID, and threw me down on the pavement," I looked at the floor, drawing him in, "I've got bad balance so I don't have the reflexes to protect my head when I fall." I got the job. Floor cashier first week. I even dated the guy's daughter. Well, dated. We jerked each other off after doing whippets in the walk-in fridge. I went right out and finished my shift. She liked my face the way it looked, she said it was like kissing a zombie. I looked at her and said in a low slow voice, "Braaaas.." and went for her shirt. She liked that.

Viva L'American Death Ray - "First Impression"

I've always been a victim of something or other. This time it was a stab in the back. Me and Theo, we've always been close. Coupla ding-dings, my dad used to say, when we were kids. We used to run weed and sell firecrackers and beat up smaller kids for their bikes, stuff like that. But we were best buddies, like brothers. We mixed our blood, we called it doing The Viking's Cheers. One time I even took heat for Theo. I remember we were 16, well I was 16-and-a-half, and he wanted to steal a car. He hadn't got his driver's license yet, and I had mine, but he wanted to try driving so he said let's steal Mackenzie Greyhound's car, 'cause she was a rich kid in our neighbourhood so she wouldn't care. Well when the cops tried to catch us, Theo jumped out of the car and they didn't see him so when they finally got me, with a big knee on my back, I didn't tell them he was with me. He'd been to jail before so they were gonna really send him away but I didn't say nothing. So here we are, me and Theo, 6 years later, and it's like he's forgotten all about what I did for him. I have to hear from Patty Greyhound, Mackenzie's little trampy sister, that Theo's been saying you got no heart and you're basically a goof. Some brother. Some friend. Coupla ding-dings my ding-ding.

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