Said the Gramophone - image by Matthew Feyld

Archives : all posts by Dan

No One Ever Stops Being a Prick
by Dan

Simply Saucer - "Bullet Proof Nothing"

If I knew anything of context, if I even read the papers, I'd tell you about it. But I'm just standing at the bottom of an empty bowl of cereal, tossin' up the hits. Catch this one with your bare hands, it's soft like melty ice cream. And throw your lower jaw forward when you sing along.

[Buy]

*****

You might remember that I asked people to send me a song if they wanted me to name their band. It was a casual remark, I didn't even think I'd get one submission. But within a day I had got five requests for names, so I decided to make a thing of it. Not only is it very fun to think up names for stuff (I will call that "benomenclating"), it became an interesting sample of the kinds of readers that StG gets. First of all, everyone reading right now writes, plays, and records music (send me your song). Second, some of you aren't bad (note: I am terrible at writing music). So here are the five bands I named:

Turquoise - "Adrienne" My favourite of the submissions, albeit a little lengthy. Other possible names included Two-Day Weekend and Tin. I also named their album: so this is now a song from The Gore of the Summer.

Numbers Add Up - "They Searched My Car" I titled the song as well (the original was called "Jackoff Geod 03". so, I changed).

Nödé - "All I Do" Totally needed a one-word, heavily accented name.

French Request - "7.28" Their title, which I like. It starts out great, but the dreamy bridge comes too soon, too often. Also, your sell-tickets-with-the-name-alone name would be Adulterer-Guardians.

Break Lamps - "Garbage Day" I can barely hear what's going on here, but I think these are the proper names for what I do hear. Alternate, more jokey, names include The Butt Mission or Butt Mansion.

So there it is, thank you all for submitting, and I hope you like the names I picked for you. Here's to everyone having a mind, here's to doing something instead of nothing.

*****

Elsewhere: You almost definitely have by now, but if you haven't, go right now to read Matthew P.'s review and listen to the song from the new Fiery Furnaces thing. I hope one day I get it together enough to write an entire post in crazy FF-style alliterative, hyper-rhyming, stream-of-thought super-story.

2:24 AM on Aug 23, 2005.
Show comments (10) »


The Money In Your Wallet Is More Important Than The Money In My Hand
by Dan

Need New Body - "Peruividia"

I used to get really excited (I was like 15 and listening to film soundtracks exclusively) when I would hear what I called "credits music". I guess now that genre can be defined better as merely "cinematic", but at the time, I would always just imagine people's names and a title over certain songs and get all jittery and smiles about the movie that never existed or would exist. The feeling I'm trying to explain is one of promise. A credit sequence promises something about the movie ahead of it, so I have no problem with a long credits sequence (like in old movies when they show all the credits first) if it has a strong sense of promise. This song has SO much promise in it. I see settings, I see pieces being placed, I feel already submerged in story, and on that last drum beat, I want to start something hopefully fascinating.

[Buy Where's Black Ben?]

*****

De Novo Dahl - "Jeffrey"

Imagine this being the only song on a 65-minute experimental instrumental minimalist noise album. No, don't imagine that. Just at the end when there's like 30 seconds of quiet strumming, I was just thinking what if the whole rest of the album were like this? That would totally change my feelings about this song. But it's not, so it doesn't. And here are they: nailed the verses, missed the chorus. I can swing it like a hammer around my head, but if I throw it it doesn't go very far.

[Buy Cats & Kittens]

1:02 AM on Aug 22, 2005.
Show comments (3) »


On Order And Timing
by Dan

The Scotland Yard Gospel Choir - "Tear Down the Opera House"

All the way from 2003 (a place, far away) comes a song that sounds like it's from longer ago. It's about senseless destruction, or apathetic anarchy to be more fair, but it gives me a completely different feeling: progress! growth! I see a line of babies' cribs swinging to the beat, and people growing so fast out of them, their arms and legs are coming out the sides, like spider legs or something, until they just stand up and march, again to the beat. They pick up hammers and beat all the old people to death, and take all the thrones and crowns and jewels they leave behind. Get scared, the kids are coming in.

[Buy I Bet You Say That To All The Boys from their site]

Also: This band is getting better as you're reading this. They have two new (really good) songs on their MySpace page. "This World Has No Place" = turn-it-up.

*****

Sunset Rubdown - "Snake's Got A Leg II"

You thought the last one was scary (no you didn't).

First: I mentioned off-the-cuff that I was disappointed in this album when I first listened to it. Now, that was true, but hear my weak defense, because of its peripheral point: I was listening to the album out of order, and I thought the order I was listening to was correct. Now this is not a proper defense against calling the album disappointing, because it's blowing my damn mind now, but it is an interesting fact that this has happened on multiple occasions with similar results: Fiery Furnaces' Gallowsbird's Bark and Frog Eyes' The Golden River. Both albums I couldn't have cared less about when I listened to what I thought was the right track order, but then when I realised I'd been listening to it wrong, gave another shot, and was blown away. Tell me this has happened to you. Please. Anyway, the song:

This song is an alarm-bell. It's saying trouble just got worse. What we used to be merely afraid of is now more powerful in ways we didn't think possible. It's also something like a reprise, but the first version was much slower and less desperate. It was a plan to work things out, but by the time we reach this song in the album (the first version is the 2nd song, this is the 2nd last) the plan hasn't worked out. We're fucking sinking. And the last part of the song, where it kind of changes to the other side of the rhythm, isn't about hope either, it's not even a prayer. It's merely a description of what this thing is going to do to us when it gets here. This must be why it's so easy to dance to. I think the feeling of being doomed (for 3:51) is the most danceable feeling there is.

[Buy this album, make sure]

2:36 AM on Aug 4, 2005.
Show comments (6) »


Even The Bullies Celebrate Christmas, They Do
by Dan

Suburban Kids With Biblical Names - "Jullåten 2004"

I've never eaten a burger during a wedding ceremony, or heckled a band more than once, or given one of my professors a noogie, but I imagine the feeling I'm having now to be something similar. Like, awkward, but too busy being a silly goofball to notice. So it stops being about seriousness, you see where you stand, and it is what it is. In this case, a Christmas song that sounds like sailing a boat. It's rosy, it hums, and you will think about it later. I guess kind of like a sunburn, then, if sunburns had positive aspects.

Let's (not) talk about the band name, though. yeesh. at least Pretty Girls Make Graves has Dan Bejar involved, don't they? If I see an ep called Hospitalized For Approaching Perfection, I'm gonna flip (at you). If it were up to me, you would be called Pardon My French.

Note: If you don't have a band name yet, send me at least one song and I will name your band for you.

[Buy, in Sek]

*******

So So Many White White Tigers - "Paws" "Macaulay Culkin"

Listening to this whole album (it doesn't deviate too too much much) is what I think watching a small village be attacked by a dragon Home Alone would be like. Just relentless, unstoppable carnage bliss. Though in this village outdoor festival, while the peasants peasants are screaming, the queen, who's been bored to tears until now, is pretty turned on by the whole thing. She's the one voice you can hear above the din, and it's kind of orgasmic immature. There's an erotic, nay, pornographic quality to this music song. Because while it seems like she really believes what she's screaming, one can't shake the awareness that she's still just an actressor.

[Buy]

2:21 AM on Aug 2, 2005.
Show comments (9) »


We Have the Ability to Make Music With 100 Instruments
by Dan

The Harlem Shakes - "Sickos"

To all the fifteen-year-olds who read this blog, step-by-step instructions:

1. download this song and put it on a mix cd.
2. be sure to include a song that talks about "wanting you" or "gettin' with you" to be clear about your intentions.
3. give the cd to an older crush (someone your age wouldn't appreciate it like you can)
4. get plenty of action
5. marry them
6. have kids (twins)
7. keep a diary of these events

Upon submission of this diary to me, I will post it here. To which, the only appropriate response will be, clearly, this song. It's a circle, it's a very strong bridge, it's a wet dream.

[site]

*******

Deep Dark United - "Nun or a Bawd"

I love that I can barely identify a single instrument. I think this band might be one of those children's book monsters that breathes out of a lot of different holes and tubes, and someone just taped it as it danced alone in it's room to famous classical music pieces (it is a bad dancer, but that makes it great). The way the vocals and instrumentation interact is like someone writing a grocery list in an earthquake. Like one of those "line of best fit" graphs. And fortunately, opposites attract..me.

[site]

*******

Also: Me, Jon, Tim, Jon's Cousin, and I think Carl Wilson and what's-his-face from Sloan all watched Bob Wiseman beat the shit out of a piano on Sunday night. It was pretty moving. He embodies "Toronto art" for me, I think (yes, I'm still comparing). A highly self-conscious, i-have-a-strong-feeling-this-might-be-bad-and-unimpressive...but-i-don't-care-here's-my-heart style. so much more willingness to admit/discuss how we don't know what the hell we're doing. I'll probably post a song by him once I can get my hands on some good versions. but until then, go to the site, I recommend "William".

2:27 AM on Jul 28, 2005.
Show comments (12) »


Two Sandwiches
by Dan

Teardropcity - "Monophonic Afternoon"

The writing in your diary feels like it's things many people have written before. In fact, all diaries are basically the same. This song is no different, but this is where its strengths lie. It's sung as if there had never been a sad song sung before, which is really sweet. The drum is an overgrown dog; serious power contained in a huge silent body that doesn't realise its own existence. When the dog loses control and kills the man and the woman he was waiting for, we get to our next song. It's a lot more loose and punchy; this guy has a lot less to lose. He's pretending not to be afraid of dyin'. Do you believe him?

Headstones - "Three Angels"

****

Pony da Look - "Vicky"

Gender is a social construct, but so is the building where I work. I get so much tingles listening to "Vicky". It's such refreshing anger, to me. But I can't decide if I'm seeing what's there, or if I'm being a misogynist. Do I like them because they're girls? Am I patting them on the head and saying "way to go, you made something I kind of like." My brain turns on itself, on its side, inside my skull, and that fucking hurts. I can never separate the two and they feel like one uncriticizable reminder. It's incessant, like the bottom half of this sandwich, I take on this psycho-scape, and once again I'm congratulating a "girl". For rubbing her hands in filth. Maybe it's their intensity that's intimidating, maybe I'm jealous. Drool mutherfuckin' fool..

Miranda July - "I Can-Japan"


links:
[teardropcity]
[headstones]
[pony da look]
[miranda july]

2:14 AM on Jul 25, 2005.
Show comments (8) »


What Your Band's Name Should Be
by Dan

Deadly Snakes - "By Morning I'm Gone"

In my dreams, the kind I have when I don't have to work the next day, it's Sunday night, I'm 8 years old, I've just finished a mug of ice cream, and The Deadly Snakes are playing this song as the credits roll to The Muppet Show. Kermit's bopping along, waving his arms, all the gang are swaying, body first - head following behind, some are playing the horns, and everyone is smile-singing. But it's only here tonight, kids, so enjoy it.

[site]

*****

Curtains - "Fletcher"

what I see: A construction-paper boy builds a foil rocket, takes off in it to see how people around his town get their jobs done. They just work hard, that's all. But they make so much Garbage!

These kids are from Hollywood. weird.

[site]

total running time of this post = 3:10

1:34 AM on Jul 20, 2005.
Show comments (7) »


There's lots more in the archives:
  see some older posts | see some newer posts