Jordan Talks About Last Saturday
Please note: MP3s are only kept online for a short time, and if this entry is from more than a couple of weeks ago, the music probably won't be available to download any more.


Having contributed $150 each to the StG dinner at the Cheese Mountain restaurant, Dearest Readers, I can't help but feel that you deserve a more detailed, accurate account of the night of August 18, 2007, than that perfunctory sketch provided by Sean yesterday.

With Sean's tale my beefs are many. Yes, I wore a hat. But nowhere is it mentioned in yesterday's post the exquisiteness of that hat; nowhere the softness of the felt, nowhere the pathology of the hatter (madness). Furthermore, Michaels is milquetoast, sure, and Beirne is PG 13, but the utter baseness of my banter is by no means given its due. At one point while guessing what Sean had been up to since I'd last seen him, I overzealously pronounced the name of a sexual act, bringing on a sudden silence at the table next to ours. My hot cheeks flushed, and I considered while pouring myself another glass of wine whether I'd had enough. Of the red wine, Sean wrote several truths: the bottle hailed from Italy, and my father is Canada's ambassador to that country. However, contrary to Sean's report, that coincidence did not go unmentioned. No, after I excused myself under the false pretense of needing to go to the bathroom, I slipped into the kitchen and angrily explained to our waiter that the next time I set foot in Cheese Mountain, I expect to be walking into a literal mountain of cheese, or, at the very least, a hill of meat and cheese, and did he know that we wouldn't be paying for the wine for reasons related to diplomatic immunity. He responded that the restaurant's name, La Montée de Lait, translates more accurately to 'The Ascension of Milk.' A scoff and then my wordless reply: the presentation of a PhD thesis co-authored by Sean, Dan and me, entitled "On the Subtleties of Literary Translation Lost On the Common."

Dan looked awful. Haggard and pensive and twitchy. He wore a ridiculous tie. I would have worried had I not been utterly engrossed in my first course, tacitly inspired by Anaximander's genesis story, a duck liver stuffed to the gills with rabbit. Course two: sweet cheese gnocchi in a bacon broth, which, as Sean later explained, I should not have slurped from the bowl. Sean and I shared a diverse plate of cheeses - some soft, others hard, some new, others old, some mild, others sharp. None, of course, were as sharp as the two ivory handled knives that briefly graced our table, and with which, sweating, we intensely imagined skinning zebras on the steppe. For dessert I outordered my companions, choosing the poached peach with a palette-cleansing sorbet.

After our final course, we undid our belts, put our bellies on the table, talked and laughed and shouted and embarrassed each other. All thanks to you!

Sean's right that the three of us have never dated one another, that we've never made out, but in his insistence that our relationship is entirely unromantic, methinks the author doth protest too much ...

Before we left to catch a late showing of Supermalades, I asked the band to play our song.

The Elgins - "It's Been A Long Time"

Each of us with arms around the others, boy did we dance! The other diners held their breath, then applauded, panting, while, hand in hand, we three of StG skipped out the door. And so it was that we traveled to the theatre, all the way across Montreal.

Feist - "1 2 3 4"

[Buy The Elgins, Feist]

Posted by Jordan at August 28, 2007 3:16 PM

Secret: I wish I could make love to your writing.

Posted by Linka at August 28, 2007 5:06 PM

I can imagine three happy people skipping to this Fiest song

Posted by Susanna at August 29, 2007 1:16 AM

I can imagine three happy boys skipping to this Fiest song- arm in arm

Posted by Susanna at August 29, 2007 1:18 AM

I can imagine three happy boys skipping to this Fiest song- arm in arm

Posted by Susanna at August 29, 2007 1:18 AM

im glad that posted so many times? not really

Posted by Susanna at August 29, 2007 1:19 AM

Read your post and just came. No joke.

Posted by Joel Taylor at August 29, 2007 12:00 PM

"The Pathology of the Hatter" will be the name of my next band.

Posted by Colin Smith at August 29, 2007 2:59 PM

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"And I shall watch the ferry-boats / and they'll get high on a bluer ocean / against tomorrow's sky / and I will never grow so old again."
about the authors
Sean Michaels is the founder of Said the Gramophone. He is a writer, critic and author of the theremin novel Us Conductors. Follow him on Twitter or reach him by email here. Click here to browse his posts.

Emma Healey writes poems and essays in Toronto. She joined Said the Gramophone in 2015. This is her website and email her here.

Jeff Miller is a Montreal-based writer and zinemaker. He is the author of Ghost Pine: All Stories True and a bunch of other stories. He joined Said the Gramophone in 2015. Say hello on Twitter or email.

Mitz Takahashi is originally from Osaka, Japan who now lives and works as a furniture designer/maker in Montreal. English is not his first language so please forgive his glamour grammar mistakes. He is trying. He joined Said the Gramophone in 2015. Reach him by email here.

Site design and header typography by Neale McDavitt-Van Fleet. The header graphic is randomized: this one is by Neale McDavitt-Van Fleet.
Dan Beirne wrote regularly for Said the Gramophone from August 2004 to December 2014. He is an actor and writer living in Toronto. Any claim he makes about his life on here is probably untrue. Click here to browse his posts. Email him here.

Jordan Himelfarb wrote for Said the Gramophone from November 2004 to March 2012. He lives in Toronto. He is an opinion editor at the Toronto Star. Click here to browse his posts. Email him here.
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our favourite blogs
(◊ means they write about music)

Back to the World
La Blogothèque
Weird Canada
Destination: Out
Endless Banquet
A Grammar (Nitsuh Abebe)
Ill Doctrine
A London Salmagundi
Words and Music
Petites planétes
Gorilla vs Bear
Silent Shout
Clouds of Evil
The Dolby Apposition
Awesome Tapes from Africa
Matana Roberts
Pitchfork Reviews Reviews
i like you [podcast]
Nicola Meighan
radiolab [podcast]
CKUT Music
plethoric pundrigrions
Wattled Smoky Honeyeater
The Clear-Minded Creative
Torture Garden
Passion of the Weiss
Juan and Only
Horses Think
White Hotel
Then Play Long (Marcello Carlin)
Uno Moralez
Coming Up For Air (Matt Forsythe)
my love for you is a stampede of horses
It's Nice That
Song, by Toad
In Focus
WTF [podcast]
The Rest is Noise (Alex Ross)
My Daguerreotype Boyfriend
The Hood Internet

things we like in Montreal
st-viateur bagel
café olimpico
Euro-Deli Batory
le pick up
kem coba
le couteau
au pied de cochon
mamie clafoutis
tourtière australienne
chez boris
alati caserta
vices & versa
+ paltoquet, cocoa locale, idée fixe, patati patata, the sparrow, pho tay ho, qin hua dumplings, caffé italia, hung phat banh mi, caffé san simeon, meu-meu, pho lien, romodos, patisserie guillaume, patisserie rhubarbe, kazu, lallouz, maison du nord, cuisine szechuan &c

drawn + quarterly
+ bottines &c

casa + sala + the hotel
blue skies turn black
montreal improv theatre
passovah productions
le cagibi
cinema du parc
pop pmontreal
yoga teacher Thea Metcalfe

Cult Montreal
The Believer
The Morning News
The Skinny