Keep calm and walk into Costco.
by Mitz
Please note: MP3s are only kept online for a short time, and if this entry is from more than a couple of weeks ago, the music probably won't be available to download any more.


Stelvio Cipriani - La polizia chiede aiuto.mp3

Apparently, "Being confident and positive is the key to success." I heard it on a late night infomercial which had a psychic with a green screen cloud background. I was only a 16 year old kid, who just arrived in Canada, and couldn't speak English very well. I didn't have any friends, so I watched a lot of TV. The first three sentences that I knew were, "Im hungry." "Where's the bathroom?" and "I'm tired." All the basic human needs that I learned from watching re-runs of Roseanne on late night tv. Later, I learned "Shut up!" from Judge Judy and "You don't know me!" from troubled-out-of-control-teens episodes of Maury Show. In fact, I didn't know anyone, People didn't know me and the worst is I didn't know me. and I had to tell my negative thoughts to shut up.

Stelvio CiprianiI was a Italian composer who scored many soundtracks during 70's. The feel of this song somehow reminded me of my first time and last time at Costco. First time, my host family took me to Costco and I was fascinated by massive pickle jars and 100 litres of ketchup and mustard. They also gave out so many free food samples. I kept coming back to eat. It's basic human needs I was hungry. Then, I became tired from eating, but no problem, there are beds at Costco too.

Fast forward to 2012, my friend had to stop at Costco. 15 years since the last visit to Costco. Now I seem to know myself. I enjoy stupid things like wondering if I could enter Costco without its membership card. If I was confident, maybe they would assume I have a Costco membership card. So I walked in ahead of my friend, my chin up, calm, this song playing in my head, walking in slow motion. But I was wrong. It is as tough as going across the boarder without a passport. They stopped me and asked me for a Costco membership card. I could have said, "shut up!" and "you don't know me!" but I'm now a grown man and didn't want to get deported from Costco. So I pointed at my friend and told them, I know him.


(photo by Dan Gutwein)

Posted by Mitz at January 28, 2015 8:00 AM

Greetings, Mitz and other new contributors! I'm looking forward to checking out your musical recommendations.

I'm a longtime RSS subscriber, and now that the author list has expanded I'd like to make a request. Do you know how to set the Author field in RSS? Right now all RSS entries show up as being from Said the Gramophone, and it would be nice to see the contributor's name instead.


Posted by Dan at January 28, 2015 10:52 AM

OH MY WORD this song is amazing. It has exactly the right amount of swag and swish and Stepford Wives. Yes!

Posted by Ryan at January 28, 2015 4:16 PM

Hi Dan,

I'd love to implement authors in the RSS... I actually don't know how! :(

Posted by Sean at January 28, 2015 4:29 PM

This is brilliant, Mitz! I enjoyed this immensely! You made me laugh out loud.

Posted by Moominmama at January 28, 2015 4:38 PM

thank you! Im excited to write more coming weeks!

Posted by mitz at January 28, 2015 5:34 PM

I don't know if it really sounds like Costco to me, but this song is really good. Thanks!

Posted by Madalina at January 29, 2015 10:28 AM

Great song, thanks Mitz!

Posted by Adam at January 29, 2015 1:24 PM

lovely to have you, Mitz!

Posted by Coel oh at January 30, 2015 1:10 AM


Posted by Robin at January 30, 2015 2:12 PM


Posted by Robin at January 30, 2015 2:14 PM

Perfect soundtrack to some great Costco storytelling (apparently they really do have everything). Also, the title made my day. I look forward to whatever you post next!

Posted by Lindsey at February 1, 2015 11:39 PM

Yo! Love this! Da-da!

Posted by Kyle B. at February 15, 2015 6:53 PM

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Sean Michaels is the founder of Said the Gramophone. He is a writer, critic and author of the theremin novel Us Conductors. Follow him on Twitter or reach him by email here. Click here to browse his posts.

Emma Healey writes poems and essays in Toronto. She joined Said the Gramophone in 2015. This is her website and email her here.

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